Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
