You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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