Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
