just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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