I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
