Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
