Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
