At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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