He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
