he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
