you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish there were birth control emojis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone came in the potted fern
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
