i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
