a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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