Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO