The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.