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pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're like the curious george of whores
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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