I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
