She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize