lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
