it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wish my penis had a tongue
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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