DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
