my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are all done wearing pants today
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