she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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