oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
