that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
