it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
