I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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