I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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