Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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