Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
