if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
