the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
