Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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