im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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