True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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