Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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