my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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