The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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