Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
