So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
