I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
