We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
