Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
