You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
