I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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