toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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