I need to stop coming to work sober
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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