do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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