you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize