no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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