Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
These tits shall not be calmed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
