wrigley field is MILF paradise
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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