I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mom said you looked used
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
