So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
