What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
