My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
