So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
