Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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