i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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