girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
