At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
