I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
