Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
