apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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