he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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