Nicole vs. Life
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
