You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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