Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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