I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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