I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
