that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
