Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
