why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
