i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
