In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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