Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
