Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
