I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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