Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
